< Cruel... just plain cruel... >

Times like this just make me hate football.

I've been crying since yesterday night. I cried myself to sleep, and when I woke up, instantly the memories of last night came flooding back to me and my eyes started welling up with tears again. I hid under my blanket pretending to be asleep when I heard my father telling my brother about what happened yesterday night. Then when no one was out in the living room, I finally sneaked out to take a look at the newspapers. The result was on the front pages, with the title "Aussie heartbreak". Yeah, at least they knew. And needless to say, tears threatened to spill out whenever I read the news articles (in the papers and on the Internet) as it was like reliving the nightmare again.

I think today's poll question would be the one written there in the papers, asking whether readers thought Australia deserved to lose. Bloody hell. I wonder if I'll burst into tears when the journalist calls later in the evening.

I'm caught between wanting to talk about it, and not wanting to talk about it. I feel like pouring out my sorrows, but then again, I just don't want to talk about how the match went. When I read about people debating over whether it was a penalty or not, I just feel a sense of bitterness. When I read about some saying Australia deserved to lose because they didn't score against the 10 men Italian side, I feel angry. DON'T EVER MAKE IT SOUND AS THOUGH IT WAS AUSTRALIA'S FAULT! Damn it, I don't want to say this, because some cruel people will just laugh at it... but when Liverpool had 10 men, Everton couldn't do take advantage either. Australia's already better than Everton...

Then there are some people gloating about how at least it was Neill who conceded that penalty. Couldn't happen to a nicer guy, they say. Well, although I don't know just how good or bad Neill is character-wise, I felt plain bad for him because he has been really good this tournament. Every Australian was the same, I just find it hard to fault any one of them... And even if I were to speak of their character? I'd say their heart is in the right place. Yeah, Lucas Neill too...

I just read what ruled Harry out of the match... No, it wasn't his groin injury like most of us thought... It was a case of... gout? I don't know what's that, but at the end of the article, it said about how it was a "penultimate twist of the knife from the sadistic footballing gods". (http://foxsports.news.com.au/story/0,8659,19603273-23215,00.html). Sigh, I've read the causes of it, yucks, surely Harry doesn't drink too much? Or is too fat? It's just so freaking strange I have to moan about luck again.

Hell... football can be such a cruel game sometimes. I've seen many men crying when they get knocked out of a competition (and seriously I thought they were just wimps), and right now I get a taste of how they feel. I think this whole experience would perhaps teach me some sense of humility. I'll admit to laughing when I saw the Japanese fans celebrating at first the other day, and then at the end, all of them had this dazed look on their faces. Now I get a taste of my own medicine huh? But I'm still a damn moaner and I want to say it's somehow different. The Japs, in my opinion, got what they deserved, the Aussies didn't... damn... I really feel this is the most cruel match I've ever witnessed! Tell me if I'm wrong...

I'm not really upset just over the losing part. Any Aussie fan can tell you that. They would have been proud of their team no matter the result, the last 16 was more than good enough. It's the way we lost! It's like... ok, forget it, I can't think of any similar scenario that can generate the same emotion.

And what's worse is that I've never felt this way before. I've been through lots of painful losses with Liverpool, but never quite a cruel one like this. Whenever Liverpool lost, either they deserved it, the opposition deserved it, or it wasn't so important like this anyway.

Yeah, it's a new experience... but one I hate. Losing sucks, but losing this way is devastating. But in the midst of all that feeling of bitterness, there's one bright spot... that is, I'm still proud of the way the Aussies played. I won't say I wanted to lose like this, because I'd have rather got completely outplayed, and lost 3-0 by half-time than to have lost like that in the dying seconds. Yet, like what some others have said, Australia are the best losers you can have...

It's still too cruel though...